I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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