i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
