so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
