I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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