The maid of honor just puked.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My ATM looks so different sober.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
