Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
