now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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