tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
