I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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