someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize