Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
