my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
