how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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