And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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