WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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