Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
