She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
high people should be assigned attendants
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
