Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
