I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
