Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
