well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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