So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
