This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
tell me about the fingering
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
