I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
