He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
