I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
soo... how was my night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
