I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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