I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
