I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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