if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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