Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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