Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
