I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize