it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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