why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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