He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
