so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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