I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
