How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize