You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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