i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
3 2 1 whiskey
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
