please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
