Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
