I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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