Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
