I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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