this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
