Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
