I CAN MOONWALK!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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