Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
