new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
