i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
