Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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