I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
