I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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