Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's always time for handjobs
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
dude. I can hear the air.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize