I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
