ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
