What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
