I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize