we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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