why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
