Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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