I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
