Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize