bring money and cleavage
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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