i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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