You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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