well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
