we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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