Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
