this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
