i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
