Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
