Princesses don't give blow jobs
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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