Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
