I wish I could punch you in the face.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
