So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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