happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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