i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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