Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
