If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
false alarm. still invincible.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
