Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
