Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
