You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Even my vagina gasped.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
