In the future we'll all be gay
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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