He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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